Monster in Me
by Flower of Knives
Summary: STARTING BACK UP SOON! "They call me Sakura. I don't remember my life before the past three years. Hell, I don't even know how old I am. All I know, is that inside me there lives a monster waiting to be set lose." Set in late 1800's England GaruSaku ItaSaku
1. Chapter 1

They call me Sakura.

I work at a traveling circus as a knife thrower and acrobat.

I don't know know my real name or where I'm from.

I'm not even sure how old I am.

There are a few things I know about me though. I am have short pink (yes, pink) hair, green eyes and I stand a little over five feet five inches. Also, I can hit a bulls eye from 1,000 yards with a kuni and break a mans back with the slightest flick of my wrist. And that scares me.

Some people call me gifted, others it's freak, but it really doesn't matter since they will never know the truth anyway. The horrible, inhuman, disturbing truth about my eyesight and how I became what I am today...

The first thing I can remember is from three years ago. I woke up in a cage with seven other kids. It was dark, it stank and everyone was panicked. I didn't understand what was going on. Why was I here? Where was mother? Where was my father? Why wasn't I wearing my shoes? The questions were endless. After what felt like hours, we all began to calm down, slowly I began to learn every ones names.

There was Rukia and Kaname from London.

Nanami and Naruto were from West Sussex.

Tomoe and Orihime were from Derbyshire.

And then there Gaara. He was a bit older than the rest of us (or at least acted like it) and only stood about a inch taller than me. What stuck out the most to me was his eyes. They were a dull jade that seemed to pierce your very being. He was from the East end and I clung to him. he didn't talk much, but when he did it was only to me. It was like we were being pulled together by an unknown force. Later we realized that we were SUPPOSED to connect. That we were SUPPOSED to start to depend on each other. It was the way we were being "made".

Well, after a few days in the cage with no food and barley enough water to keep us alive, they came and took us. Pair by pair. Fist to go was Orihime and Kaname, then Rukia and Naruto and finally Nanami and Tomoe. We never saw them again. Apparently we had been categorized by our most prominent aspects, both physically and mentally. Gaara and myself, were put in the "strength" list. The others were categorized by sight, hearing, smell... the list goes on.

Once everyone had been taken away, the testing began.

Everyday a man came and took us to a big room filled with machines and two tables. Everyday we were stripped and strapped down to the tables. And everyday we were beaten for trying to escape. I still have the scars from where an over zealous keeper called Forge, beat me with a saw blade. The unthinkable happened to us on a daily bases.

And there was nothing we could do to stop it.

Until one day, four months later, Gaara found a hole in the security. Two weeks later, we made it out. For the first time in months, we saw the sky and the trees. That was the first time that I saw Gaara smile. He turned to me and just smiled. He didn't say a word. He did't have too really. That smile was so filled with happiness and sadness at the same time that it made my chest hurt.

While we had been in the, I don't even know what to call it, Hell maybe, there had been changes that affected our bodies and mind. I had grown in height and so had Gaara. But that wasn't all. There was something that we couldn't place that had happened to us in there that made us think different. We thought like warriors in battle, focusing only on how to keep alive and not be found and taken back to the pit we had just come from. When we had first escaped, all I wanted to do was run. But now deep down, there was a pang, a gnawing hunger or something...something dark. Almost like I wanted to go back, and wash away the memories from that place with the blood of my captors. This feeling, this blood lust, scared the living hell out of me. When I told Gaara how I felt in an effort to try and rid those thoughts from my head, all he did was nod.

Two days later, we made it back to the site and wiped out every last person there.

It felt so right. Like this was what I was made to do. Fighing next to Gaara made me feel so, so ALIVE! I looked over at him and saw him plunge his hand into the stomach of a scientist that had been in charge of recording our progress. I was filled with such excitement, that I didn't even notice when the last man went down. When the fighting stopped, it was like all the energy left my body. I looked around and saw that the floor, walls, our bodies, were covered in the blood of our keepers. It was like I snapped out of a trance. It hit me, what we had just done. Looking at my blood covered hands, I threw up. Feeling Gaara come over to my side, I pushed him away. I was replused by what we had done. What he had LET me do.

Then I ran. I ran till I couldn't run anymore and collapsed. I closed my eyes and wished for everything to just disappear. That I could just die. I didn't even try to hold back the tears that spilled from the uttermost part of my soul. Feeling something hit my cheek, I opened my eyes.

The sky was crying with me.


	2. Chapter 2

The crowed sat still as death in their seats. A hush had overcome them to the point where you could hear the wind rustling the tent covering the arena. All eyes are fixed on me, like they are waiting for me to either give my last breath. Looking up, I see the target 1000 paces ahead with a young man strapped to the middle with an apple tied onto his waist. I know that I can hit the middle of the apple without hurting the young man, in fact it will be easy. Then, as the silenced crowd watched, I pull my arm back and let go with a swift flick of my wrist. As the steel throwing knife lurches towards the target, the young mans face morphs into the bloody, mauled and horror stricken face of Forge, my once-keeper and the first man I killed. Then the knife hits the man and there's blood.

Blood

Blood everywhere. On me, on the ground, on the walls of the tent and the people in the stands. Looking up into the grand stands, I see their faces. The faces of every person I have ever killed. All the men and women, no one is excluded. And they laugh. They laugh, only it's not the laugh of many people seeing a clown's antics. It's the laugh of a small, crazed girl killing for the first time.

It's MY laugh.

"Sak! Sakura wake up!"

My eyes popped open to the sound of someone screaming. Then I realized that it was me screaming. Quelling my over-active voice box I looked around the small sleeping car of the train. Where was the tent? The people? Was it just a dream? Of course. Of course it was just a dream, like the countless others before it. Looking up into the worried faces of my fellow performer and something akin to friend, I smiled as I tried to calm the girls rising panic for me.

"It's fine. I'm fine. sorry for waking you...please. Get your rest, you'll need it for tomorrow."

Ino, one of the clown girls and self-proclaimed best friend of yours truly, looked at me with eyes full of concern. Reaching for my hand it grasped the limp appendage in her own and sighed as she said,

"Sakurathis is the fourth nightmare you've had in the past two weeks. They are getting more, and more frequent. You NEED to talk to someone about them. Please Sak, if only for me. Please, go talk to Kakashi or Fox. They can help you. Please."

"Fine. I'll go. But only to shut you up. I honestly have no idea why you are making such a big deal out of it. The dreams aren't even that bad."

"Sak. You've woken up screaming like you just witnessed murder four times in the past two weeks."

Feeling me stiffen to her touch she removed her hand from on top of mine. If only she knew the truth in her what she had just said Pausing before continuing her rant, Ino took a deep breath,

"You are constantly looking over your shoulder. You are never truly comfortable at any given time and you barely talk. So don't lie to me and tell me they aren't that bad. I know better."

Rolling over so that my face was away from my prying bunk mate I responded with a small "hn." Feeling rather than seeing the blonde roll her eyes as she left my bunk for her own across the small room, I waited until I heard her crawl underneath the pink down quilt covering her bed before letting off with my final comment before sleep took me again.

"And stop calling me Sak."

Sorry this chappy was so short guys! I am super tired and just got over being sick for four days so... PLEASE FORGIVE ME!

Well, that being said, let me know what you think so far! I would love to have you feedback and ideas for/of the story!

Sincerely, Chewy

P.s Spolier! Sakura finds out someting VERY interesting/scary about those experiments done on her and Vincent! One word for it: DEMONS.

Wink Wink keep reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or 1897 England :)**

Waking up before Ino, I got dressed and made my way outside. Pausing in front of the train car/carriage that we called home, I prepared myself for another day full of curious stares of the newbies and the constantly annoying concern of the older actors and freaks. It's not like I wanted their attention or concern. So why did they constantly shower me with it?!

"It makes no sense..."

"What doesn't?"

Without even turning around I knew the owner of the silky smooth voice coming from behind me. Facing the would be spy, I replied in a monotone voice showing how unamused I was with his lack of sneaking-abilities.

"Your spying needs work Kiba. I heard you coming from twenty paces away."

The man in front of me responded by pouting and rubbing his already mussed hair.

"Aww Saku! Common I'm trying here! I'm doin' everything you told me, but I just can't seem to get it right! Maybe you could come over to my tent later and show me again! And then after you could stay for awhile and we could finally get sta-"

His voice was cut off by a very intense glare coming from your truly. Kiba was renowned for picking up girls and for some reason, he had his sights set on me ever since I joined the Konoha no Kānibaru (Carnival of Leaves). Maybe he just wanted me because I was a challenge? Or maybe he was just a maosoist? Or maybe-

Suddenly the hands of the animal trainer were on my face "Hey, don't wrinkle you face up like that. It doesn't look good on you!" the object of my thoughts laughed.

Yanking his hands of my face, I jumped back as I yelled trying to ignore my instincts to kill him from taking over my actions.

"Don't touch me!" seeing the shocked face of the normally happy go lucky man, I softened my voice as much as possible to try and smooth things out, " Sorry...I just... I don't like being touched. Forgive me, yeah?"

Before the flirtatious tattooed man could reply, a certain annoying blonde ran up to us waving a letter in her outstretched hand. Calling over to Kiba she said with a smile plastered on her face,

"Oi! Lady Tsunade wants to see you over by the arena for some training and you Ma'am," said the over active clown with concern covering her normally happy voice, "are needed in Fox's tent. I told him about your...dreams..." When the (well intentioned) wrong doer saw my eyes narrow, she hastily tried to make amends.

"I know you didn't want me to but this has been going on for as long as I have known you and I think it's getting worse and I'm worried for you! Why won't you just accept our- no, MY help when you KNOW that you need it! I really don't understand you but anyway you need to go there now, cause he's waiting and you know he doesn't like to be kept waiting..."

Blinking in confusion, I turned to a similarly confused animal trainer. Looking me dead in the eye he shrugged and wagged his finger at me.

"I have no clue what she just said, but you had better go. Oh! And don't do anything that I wouldn't, yeah?"

"Hm." and an eye roll was the only response he got for his little quip.

Walking toward the ring masters tent, I tried my best to think of ways to get out of this mess that I had been thrown into by my well meaning colleagues. They really had no idea what kind of position they had put me in. There was no possible way that I relate my nightmares to the (supposedly) insightful Fox without having to relate my wretched past. Reaching the tent as the last thought ran it's way through my head, I took a deep breath and tapped on the wooden post supporting the fabric of the large sleeping quarter.

"Come in Sakura. I have been waiting for you to come and visit me ever since you joined the Konoha no Kānibaru . In fact, I was on the verge of sending for you myself when Ino contacted me about your...dreams."

There was something, something about that voice that could throw you into a trance without you even realizing it. It was like it drew you in while at the same time keeping you at arms distance to evaluate you. Almost like it was reading you, inside and out. Like it was somehow... magical. But there was something else...like something was being suppressed. Shaking the looming feeling from my chest as I approached the table where the "counselor" of the circus sat with his feet propped up, I took in his appearance for the first time. was young, not looking much older than myself...the only thing was, he had shockingly yellow hair. And his eyes, wow. They were so blue you could swim in them. And somehow, they seemed very...familiar.

_**Daaayyymmm...I could tap that right there**_

_Inner? When the hell did you get back? And shut up! He's a superior! _

**_So? And I came back when you let me. Ya know, when you let the memories come back_**

_What?! That doesn't even make sense!_

Sitting down in the chair opposite the man, I lowered my head as a sign of repentance, "Yes, I'm sorry to have kept you this long in waiting sir. My apologies. She did not know what she was doing, they're really not that bad sir. You see sh-"

"Why are you here Sakura?"

My head popped up at the sudden question put before me. My body went into defense mode as hundreds of questions raced through my mind all at once. What did he mean by that? Did he think I had a hidden meaning for being a part of this place? Had he heard of me somehow? Was that even possible? Regaining my composure I asked in the calmest voice I could muster,

"Excuse me sir?"

Looking back at me with those blue, blue eyes, the man before me said with a small smirk,

"Why. Are you. Here? I know for a fact that it isn't family or money troubles. You don't act pitiful enough for that. No that's not it at all. You are far to strong and silent. Thus, it HAS to be something that would warrant you being careful in the extreme. Something that would have to be big enough, nasty enough, nightmarish enough, to cause you coming here. Here to this, forgotten little troupe of misfits and freaks. Something that would make you want to run. And run far away. Now tell me Miss. Sakura, why are you here? And I expect a truthful answer. Nothing you can have to say, and by that I mean NOTHING, can be worse than what I have already imagined within my own head. Your secrets, are more than safe with me."

My face was pale and my hands trembling. The projects done to my body in the past had allowed me the knowledge of when someone was being completely truthful or not. And by what my body was telling me, every last word of what I had just been told, was coming from deep within the heart. Taking a deep breath, I began my tale...

_"Three years ago, I woke up in a cage with other young people. We knew nothing about each other and had never even seen the place we were being held, let alone, remembered where we were coming from (until days later for some. As for me, I never did regain my memories from before that day.) Anyway, slowly they began to weed us out. And once it was narrowed down to just me and another young man, they began testing on us. They took away out humanity. They turned us into monsters that only knew how to kill and destroy. By some miracle we escaped and made it to a "safe zone" as we called it. But two weeks, later, the new mind set took over our bodies. We went back and killed everyone in the complex where we were kept. After that, it was like I regained my mind that had been taken over by some kind of monster. I ran, ran as far away as I could from Gaara and the complex, or what was left of it. I never saw him again. For the next two months after that, I was in and out of a sate of madness. Over forty people that I knew of died at the Monster inside of me. Most likely, more that I don't know of have also been killed by hands. I was found, covered in others blood and half dead from starvation, by an elderly gentleman who took me in as his ward. When he found me, the only thing I could say for a couple days was something along the lines of, _

_"I can;t go back! Don't let it take me back!" _

_Over and over again. I had no identification, the only thing I remembered about my past life was my name. I never did remember what had happened to me before the time I spent in the complex. I assume that I had a life, a mother and father, maybe even siblings...but I guess I never will know."_

_ "When I was with Gerard (as that was the gentleman's name) I felt content, happy even. The days were filled with drawing and talking, walks with him in the gardens and peaceful evenings. It was bliss compared to my past life. One day, after a walk through the expanse of gardens on his estate, he asked me about my past. After much conjuring, he finally got it out of me. At first he looked scared and taken aback, but then that was replaced with pain and sympathy. He held me and said in the sweetest voice I had ever heard_

_"That's all behind you now my child. No one with punish you for what what was done to you... your safe now. No person can hurt you as long as I am here..." _

_I cried myself to sleep that night."_

_ "Life went on and the days grew short with the coming winter. We were preparing for Christmas and all the joy of holiday season. Gerard had helped me pick out presents for the help of the house (my only other companions due to my own choice. I didn't like the company of people my own "age" as Gerard called them) and I had even made him a small gift of a rather nice set of Top hat and Cane with his family crest and seal."_

_ "During all this time the monster inside me had been silent. I thought that maybe the Gods had taken pity on me and that it would never show it's face again in my mind. But that was not in the cards for this pitiable wretch. Christmas eve of last season, Gerard, the only person to call me worthy of the human title and name, he was lying before me, with his chest torn open._

_He was dead._

_I had brutally murdered him...the only person other than Gaara to help me... and I killed him. I didn't know what to do. He's face was... the expression was so frightened. So desperate. I knew that the police would come soon, and so I ran. I couldn't even cry for my savior, wouldn't that be heresy? To cry over the death of the man you, you yourself had killed? But not a day goes by, when I do not think of my sins, and try and find some way to atone for them. However naive that may be I have to try." _

Finishing my story, I looked up at Fox. He didn't look disgusted or terrified like I knew he would be. He only looked...relieved and slightly sad? I didn't understand, why would he be sad? It wasn't like he was affected by my past. Not realizing that I had said my thoughts aloud, it rather startled me when the man before me replied in a voice laced with compassion and anger

"Because nobody should have to see what you have seen or go through what you have Sakura. Those people-no- MONSTERS that did that to you deserved to die. And it does affect me, you see, I knew that you were hiding something. Something important, that you didn't feel that you could share. I know that feeling Sakura. I have been EXACTLY where you have been."

Jumping away from the man before me I turned over my chair in my haste to be away from this soul searcher. "How? How is that possible!? You-your lying! You have to be!"

Smiling, the mysterious man stepped away from the table and towards my tense form. Taking up residence directly in front of me, the man covered one of his eyes.

"Because the same thing happened to me..._**Sakura-chan**_."

Suddenly I remembered where I had seen those eyes. They were the eyes of someone who had lost everything and was prepared to fight for it.

"Naruto?"

"Hello Sakura-chan"

Muhaha! I am so evil. Leaving you all with (yet another) cliff hanger! Or... it was supposed to be a cliff hanger... did it work? Anyway this chapter was long to make up for the short one before :) Yay right? :)

Anyway, there is going to be romance in the coming chapters so hold on to your panties fangirls (or boys lol)

Rate and reviw


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! sorry for the long wait on the new update! Will try and do better in the furture so please don't throw any shoes at me! *cowers in fear***

* * *

"Ho-how is this possible? You were supposed to be dead! I saw them take you away! I heard them talk about you! How can you be here? This can't be possible!" Staggering away from the ghost of my past, I hit the wall of the tent. Picking up the over-turned chair, Naruto motioned for me to sit. Shaking my head, I waited for answers.

"Calm down Sakura-chan. I can explain everything if you just give me a moment. Ok? So please, just sit down. Please Sakura-chan?"

Finally nodding in compliance, I walked the short distance the the awaiting chair, half expecting it to be filled with needles or to break away as soon as I sat down. Sensing my unease, the blonde in front of me laughed.

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, nothing is wrong with the chair. You were setting in it before remember?" seeing me set down in said chair, he began his tale.

"My story won't take long. When we left you, we were taken to another site, somewhere about 40 miles away. They did testing on us, much like you Sakura-chan. Nanami died within two weeks of being there. I only survived by stopping my heart and having them bury me. While I was there, they put a demon inside of me...something that fights with my every thought and action. Much like you I am sorry to say. Anyway, after that, I roamed through the country until I found this place, where they took me in. They are good people Sakura-chan. Really."

Looking up at Naruto, I couldn't even begin... I couldn't even...I was just so happy and sad and angry all at the same time. We had been stripped of everything that made us human. Of a happy, content life. Anger swelled up in me as angry tears make their slow descent to the ground. Walking over to my side Naruto placed a hand around my shoulders as he whispered into my hair,

"I will never let something like that happen to us again. I swear. I will protect you Sakura-chan. No matter what."

* * *

After my reunion with Naruto, I stayed in my tent for the rest of the day, not letting anyone see me. It was just so much to take in all at once. By the time I had stewed in my thoughts till everything was worked out, it was time to begin preparations for that nights show. Walking over to my trunk, I opened it to look over my costumes. Choosing a sleeveless checkered dress with matching hat, socks and chocker, I put on the rather flattering outfit and looked at myself in the mirror.

**_Girl you are one smokin' hawt mess!_**

_Really inner? Really? Thats the term you use to describe my body?_

**_Well, it was either that or sexy train wreck of emotional despair, pain and angst. Take your pick._**

_Smoking hot mess is sounding rather good right about now._

**_That's what I thought. _**

"Saku! Let's go! You're going to be late for the performances! Come on!"

Muttering curses under my breath, I walked outside into the glow of lanterns and stars to make my way towards a rather annoyed Ino and speechless Kiba.

"Wo-wow. You look...you look amazing Sakura-san!"

"Took you long enough forehead. How long does it take to apply face paint anyway? Cause I'm pretty sure you broke the record for the longest possible time in the history of man."

Smirking at the ever flirtatious man, I thanked him, glared at Ino and walked away from the duo towards the performance tent.

"Someones in a good mood tonight."

"I heard that that Ino."

* * *

It was another packed house that night.

The people, the men and women and children were amazed as a man tamed a vicious dog, laughed at a group of clowns and their antics and had been stunned as many of us had performed many acrobatic tricks and dances. Finally the grand finale came where yours truly would throw knives at a human target strapped to a board from a thousand feet. Stepping up to the X marked on the floor I turned to the audience and announced my intentions for the poor man at the other end of the rink. I scanned the crowd with my blacked out eyes and caught the sight of a red haired man looking at me with a rather...discomforting expression. It was like he was appraising me. Seeing if I was good enough. And beside him was a man, or was it a woman? Anyway, beside him was a person with rather the same expression only with lust added into the mix.

Great.

Turning my head away from the crowd, so that my body was still facing the expecting people, I closed my eyes and listened. I listened for the heart beat and blood pumping of the man strapped to the piece of wood. Finding the outlying edge of his body, I let the knife in my hand go with a flick of my wrist. Hearing the pleasing "THUCNK!" of the sharp blade hitting wood I repeated the procedure until the entire frame of the man was done in the silver of my throwing knives.

There was a slight, pregnant silence and then thunderous applause. Bowing to the cheering hoards, I walked out of the rink. Stepping outside into the night outside the tent, I let my eyes adjust to the comfortable darkness surrounding me. Sighing to the sky as I looked up into the sky filled with stars but surprisingly, no moon. Suddenly sensing the aura of others, my body went into defense mode before realizing that it wasn't a harmful presence.

"Well, your more than you seemed to be cracked up to be Sakura-san, yeah. You even sensed my presence and analyzed it. I must say, I'm impressed yeah!"

"hm."

"Your the man from before. And your the thing." I said to the man in front of me. He was about mid to late twenties, athletic build, yet lean and had toussled red hair and dull hazel eyes. His expression was almost completely blank. It was rather scary. The other man (i had decided it was a man) was the same only with long blonde hair and icy blue eyes

**_Holy shit! This creep had more hair than Ino!_**

_He LOOKS like Ino_

_**Yeah. Totally a creeper. And that other is kinda weird, Even if he is super smexy**._

_Why? Why is my inner such a perv?_

"What do you want with me?" I questioned the blonde.

"Well, it's not what I want with you, yeah. It's what my employer wants with you. She's interested in "young talent" like yours, yeah, and has summoned you to apear before her."

Raising an eye brow at the obvious whack job in front of me I questioned the man,

"And just who is this employer?"

Before the blonde could reply, the red head answered for him.

"Her majesty, Queen Victoria."

* * *

**Yay! Another chapter down! And I'm sorry if it sucks, I am up at (i kid you not) 2:43 a.m writing this for you cause I'm going camping and I wanted you to all have a little teaser before I left. And I am guessing you all know who the two men are. lol **

** And thank you all for the reviews and rates! I love you for them! *gives hugs to all!* What do you guys think of this chapter? Let me know kk?**

**thanks!**

**chewy**


End file.
